Overheard
No Tan Line
August 10, 2026
Last week, I overheard this at a bar... A waiter asked the man whether his wife would like her mimosa virgin. The man said, "My wife would probably like her mimosa virgin, but my girlfriend here prefers hers dirty as shit." He didn't lower his voice. He didn't hesitate. Here's the version where he did... As soon as the words jumped out of his mouth, he'd regretted it. All for a joke, he'd toasted a brand-new relationship that actually had a chance. For the first time, he was dating someone his age. Okay, close to his age. At least in the same decade. Jennifer glanced from him to the waiter, then back at him. And the waiter just wanted an answer. "She'll have a dirty mimosa." The waiter retreated, and he took Jennifer's hand in his. "My wife?" Jennifer eyed him with the face women use when they already know they won't like the answer. He hadn't mentioned he was married. Was he? Sort of. Technically, he was. Legally, he was. Emotionally? Not so much. He and Samir had only gotten married because she needed a green card, and he needed the money to pay off his senior-year tuition. He gave her the smile he kept for investors who wanted too much. Maybe he could walk it back. Say it was a joke. After all, he never wore a wedding band. Okay... once... but only to the green-card interview. He held up his left hand. "See, no tan line." Jennifer said nothing. She reached into her bag, came out with a diamond the size of a molar, and slid it onto her left hand.
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